“If I know what love is, it is because of you.”

April 2016 December 2016 January 2017 May 2018

Is it too cruel to say that I resent being married?
Don’t get me wrong, I still love my husband deeply and my son very much too.
But what I missed the most is being able to move freely and go wherever I want to without having to think twice. i miss the fun I had during our (me and husb) courtship days. I miss going on late night rides to anywhere and everywhere without having to think twice. I miss the surprises I get from my husband. I miss being able to travel anywhere without thinking of expenses. i miss going on our honeymoons. Most of all, I miss my old self, the carefree one who is able to do alot of things.

... I just... I wont think twice about having to go through all this again just to have my son. I love him very muchZ But being a mum, its just different. I’m never one to be tied down. But with him, I’m constantly at edge. i don’t know what to expect. No, he’s not a difficult child. I just wish I have a guide on how to go through life with a child. Is there something wrong with me?

I didn't realise being a mum could be this tough. Especially a bfeeding mum; your baby would wanna stick to you 24/7. Your boobs becomes his pillow/resting spot. & you can't do anything else when he's awake. & when he is asleep, you would wanna rest as much too before the next feeding time.

There isn't any routine yet so far because at the moment, its feeding on demand time: it could be evry half hourly, or even 4 hours later. It varies. Time flies. He's gonna be a month old soon!