A R Y N N

Us

2012-02-17T15:16:00.002+08:00

We've been together for 2 years now. 25 months. 25 months of happiness, sadness, laughters & nontheless tears.

Although I always have doubts about us, I'm still happy we made it so far together. If last time people were to ask, 'will you ever love again after xxx?' my answer would be no. But you made me change that.

And truth be told, if you're not with me, I am 100% sure i'm not working in an office, i wont have completed my dip. & the list would go on.

I need this. This blog, to let me vent out everything. every single thing we talk about or fight about. So lets start with last night. My confession about going out to the place. Yes, its all a huge mess for me. But you still told me on the phone that you'll always love me.

But after this episode, will everything still be the same..?

2011-08-07T01:07:00.003+08:00

Day 2 - Your favourite bag that you own

unfortunately, i don't really have a favourite bag. how lame is that. but it doesn't hurt to blog the bag that i would love to get my hands on :)

if god were to throw money to earth, this would be the handbag that i'd buy. not just for the brand but this bag's design appeals to me. and also, i love its leathery texture. dang. :(

would any kind soul buy me this? :)

2011-08-06T02:52:00.003+08:00

am i not a human being as well? to have to keep my feelings to myself. its a little too much to ask. i'm not good with words. i'm not good at sharing. sometimes my words jumbled up and people misunderstand me. but all i just want to let you know is that my words counts as well.

there are so many incidents in our life that i'm the cause of a fight or misunderstanding. oh yes, i'm aware of it. and so many other things too. lately, my words are harsh to your ears. its cause simple things are just not simple anymore. is it because the problem has become something more complex or i've become incoherent with my thoughts; jumbling things up mentally. I don't know. how many times have i wished in my life to be able to know all the answers to the world. but of course thats impossible as to be able to know those answers would mean that i'm god. but im just a lowly human. with feelings.

and i just wish that my feelings, thoughts, words and everything would be heard. don't push me aside like something that isn't important.

The 30 Day Challenge

2011-08-05T14:18:00.003+08:00

Day 01 — Your favorite eyeliner

Okay, on the left is the image of my favourite eyeliner. Eversince I worked as a Clinique consultant, I actually started using their makeups as well and one of the best makeup products is their gel liner. Its smudge proof. It has a mixture of acrylic in it so after a minute, the eyeliner is smudge-proof. This eyeliner is simply the best and it last quite long.

Also it comes with a small brush.

Honestly I love this to the max because you can draw it as thick/thin as you want it to be. and sometimes, the eyeliners we use tends to lose its colour by midday. But this gel liner looks the same until you end the day.

2011-08-04T00:53:00.003+08:00

i never had the heart of deleting this blog.

not because of being proud of my past-time,

but merely finding it hard to believe i was once that way.

its a constant reminder of me to be thankful that i've changed.

there's many things that i still can improve.

but for now, i'm contented.

<3xo

my sweetheart

2011-08-04T00:46:00.003+08:00

meet my wonderwall.

the one who stood by my side through thick and thin.

18 and counting, baby.

<3 xo

august

2011-08-02T00:06:00.006+08:00

one sucha short notice to myself even, i feel a burst of energy from wanting to reconnect back with this blog. I guess, I truly missed being able to let my mind out here. I miss typing out relentlessly and going on and on about myself. no, im not a self-centered bitch. i just like sounding out my ideas or thoughts. whichever you deem it to be.

oh dear. so many things have happened in my life. friendship earned, friends lost, family enlargement, school ended, trust earned. okay, in short, life just began. thats where suddenly all the responsibilities starts rushing in. and honestly i wished i was back in school where my everyday responsibilities comprises of me going to school on time, doing assignments and me behaving as should be.

technically now, im not properly supporting myself. i work as a beauty associate. part-time. period. i wish to be accepted into NIE. SOON. its hard trying to decide who you want to be and ten years down the road, what you have done when right now you're freaking 20.

tumblr

2010-11-02T00:50:00.002+08:00

its been three years i've been using blogger. I think its time for me to move on. Though I'm not going to update here. I have a new blog which is tumblr. Hope whoever reads here would relink me at arynnlove.tumblr.com

Till then.

with lots of love.

arynn.

Random Bored Sunday

2010-10-31T16:34:00.002+08:00

My blog has virtually gathered dust. I don't even have time for boyf all because of silly FYP that needs my full attention. I feel good bout myself cause so far, I've been going to school regularly and not partialling much. *claps hand. In the meantime, I'm kinda feeling hyped up. But I'm not exactly sure about what. But i'm still hyped up *giggles. I miss boyf. Been cooped up at home today. He returned home in wee hours and slept. Someone had fun. Whereas poor me can't go home the next day. So I had to go off early.

till the sun goes down.

2010-10-16T02:34:00.003+08:00

cutekan boyf saye? teeheehee. just wanted to update the dusty blog for now. And since currently i have soo many things to not do, might as well do something. :) just celebrated our 9th monthsary together. Though this week has been a tough week for both of us, we came out much stronger. :) And anw, to whom it may concern, i suggest you back off from my boyf? if you're not ashamed, please continue writing on my boyf's fb wall. tyvm. ccb. jealous? yes i am. cause at least i know i have a boyf and don't try to flirt with other people's boyf. enough said.

schools been kinda tough. so many last minute things that needs to be installed and such. gosh. and the timings of the classes are sucha bitch. :(

school blues

2010-10-12T14:04:00.002+08:00

school starts today. 945am. back to mundane life of waking up early in the morning, meeting love at woodlands, walking to school, random breaks at kedai kops, RJs, FYP meetings, yong tau foo. I know right. staying in class for breaks is sucha bitch. Anyhoos, today, up for grabs was yami yogurt. at sucha lower price compared to buying it outside. so me & izyan bought regular cup each. Peach with fruity pebbles. I so can't wait for class to end today. And then its hello Photoshop workshop. -__- which ends at 6pm. Meeting baby at Punggol afterwards. Woes woes, go away, come again another day. Oh and btw, don't you think its funny that if the person doesn't accept your friend request, it means you don't wanna be friends? Why keep on pestering.

get even

2010-10-11T04:46:00.003+08:00

The best gift that the world can offer is friendship & love. Cause when you die, these memories will remain and nothing can change the fact that there are people who won't forget to remember you. Although life has been hard for me, I believe and I've seen the people around me who gets hurt and gets even. I believe what goes around comes around. and for that, I never stop to love those people around me, who still believe in me. And though i may not be the perfect choice for love & friendship, I strive to be the best at my position. & my love for you is my motivation.

starlight tears

2010-10-10T15:22:00.002+08:00

Whenever I'm alone

I see your face

Smiling back at me

How I miss those days

But now I'm standing here

All alone still loving you

My love, hear me call your name

Whenever you're alone

Do you think of me?

Being with you always makes me smile

Why did you have to go?

I'm still reaching out to you

My love, hear me cry for you

I'll be waiting for you

There'll be no one else for me

You don't have to see my pain

Cause my heart just beats for you

You let me know

Should I ever give us up

Is this love full of lies

Cause I'm still holding on to you

When I dream of you

I'm in sweet serenity

I don want it to end

Having you loving me

But in reality

You have never looked at me

My love, I'm reaching out to you

I'll be waiting for you

There'll be no one else for me

You don't have to see my pain

Cause my heart just beats for you

You let me know

Should I ever give us up

Is this love full of lies

Cause I'm still holding on to you

Please look at me

Like the faraway stars

Can't I be the one

That you'll love forever?

you & me

2010-10-10T01:58:00.005+08:00

(outdated pictures from our triple dates)

In 4 days to go, we'll be officially together for nine months baby. Time flies fast when you least expect it. But we've grown to appreciate and know alot more about each other. & one thing that never fails to make me fall for you harder is your ability to make me smile even when I've had a shitty day.

long post

2010-10-04T01:35:00.003+08:00

i think my blog lacks of photos. so here are some:-
=)

FYP final assessment pictures. this is Zianna. she's currently participating in TNP 2010. pretty doncha think? ;D
my former FYP group. Was nice to get to know these bunch of people. Especially since I'm a slacker (yeah i know, right?) so they kinda push me to do my work. though i miss a whole bunch of meetings because of different class schedules.
ohhh ohh. meet my family. lemme introduce you to them.

the most left is my brother, M.Saifudin, 26, engaged. Getting married next year 1.1.2011.

next to him is my beautiful mum, Siti Zahara, 59, housewife. Shes a great cook btw. hehe.

Beloved Grandma, Rawan, 84? i'm a lil unsure about her age. though i know she's in her 80's. reason being that she doesn't have a birthday. in her time, during WW2, they made their age older so that the Jap soldiers won't take them away. :)

My father, Mohamed Zali, 54, driver. Ohhh, i love this man to bits and pieces. yes he is annoying and strict and sometimes unreasonable. but nevertheless he's my father who craddles me to sleep when i was young, who sends me to school every morning since primary school and also the breadwinner of our family.

This hari raya was kinda special to me. I guess, being older, you see things that means more to you. and you become less ignorant of the surrounding.
The brother's friends. I followed him on one of the jalan raya since this year i did't get to go out much for hari raya. But this one was kinda nice. Am contented.

Cause baby tonight, the DJ got us falling in love again

2010-10-03T01:19:00.002+08:00

yoohoooo. last week combined with this week has been kinda busy with me. Whats with my failure to plan my times properly. anyhoos, friends and boyfriend are always with me. recent events thats been happening. hari raya outings with family and brother with his fiance friends. moviedates . drinking session. or simply just spending time anywhere. anyway, theres been a change in us. hopefully it shall stay positive. :)

kemaafan dendam yang terindah

2010-09-29T15:33:00.000+08:00

Kehangatan mentari ku rasakan
Tak sehangat api perbalahan
Ku ketuk pintu hati
Senyap dan sunyi
Tiada jawapan yang ku perolehi

Dinginnya malam itu bagai salju
Tidak sedingin perasaanmu
Kau sengaja membina dinding pemisah
Di antara kita tak lagi bersemuka

Kekasih ku... ku rasakan perlu
Menitip surat buat tatapan mu
Sekali ini aku rela merendah diri beralah
Agar perhubungan terjalin semula

Kekasih ku... tak mungkin ku tahu
Apa tersirat dihati kecil mu
Andainya aku yang bersalah
Maafkan saja...

Kemaafan dendam yang terindah...

Kehangatan mentari dingin salju
Bertukar ganti hari ke hari
Aku masih di sini
Sabar menanti
Terbuka kembali hatimu yang terkunci...

Kemaafan... kemaafan dendam yang terindah

unavailable

2010-09-28T13:55:00.000+08:00

sorry but i won't be updating for a while. :)

2010-09-28T13:49:00.000+08:00

"If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my garden forever."

--Alfred Lord Tennyson

intervention

2010-09-08T03:38:00.003+08:00

i don't even know how to start this post. too much details. too vague? here goes.

remember all those times where i keep blaming everything on the boy. and how he treats me as if im disposable. I think I just got my senses knocked back into me. countless times, he's been there in every single minute of my life. and yet now, my heart whispers his name. i've truly missed you...

all those times, i blamed things on you when you were only trying to help. when you were trying to be there for me. and i never did appreciated you. instead, i threw hurtful words in your face. i blamed you for treating me like im unappreciated. i even cheated on you. how hard it must be on you.

baby, tonight. i have a confession to make. tonight i'm going to come clean about everything. I hope this will be the start of our relationship. i want to make this easy for us and i want to make it work. boy, i've never appreciated you before. I've always been so self-centered. a huge contrast to you. i've lied to you. hurt you with my words and actions and god knows what else i've done. But i've never been there actually for you. i've never once been a girlfriend to you.

eversince things got rocky because of me, we've been fighting almost every night. and each night, you still manage to put a smile on my face. and tonight, it broked my heart. i never understood why you loved me so much that you were willing to give away everything and to prove to people that they are wrong about us. I'm sorry. i've truly and royally screwed up this relationship. and if there's anyone to blame, its me.

when i first got to know you as how other girls got to know you, I find you hard to believe because of the words you say to me. But then, when i get to know you deeper, i realised that i've misjudged you. me being me. I've always thought that you have no idea what its like to be in a committed relationship. But. it turns out, you're better at it than i am. boy, i had a bad dream tonight. you left me because the feeling wasn't there for you anymore. I woke up at 3.30 in the morning crying and it got me thinking.

I should stop being so stubborn. Then, i scrolled through the pictures we took together and i came across the first picture we took together on new years. you looked so happy back then and you were hugging me with so full of love and its like as if you've just won the best prize the world could ever possibly give you. I'm ashame of myself.

I want to take those worries of your head. I want you to just be happy baby. I'm sorry...

Karma's a bitch.

2010-09-03T15:22:00.003+08:00

back to the way it was before. hope it shall stay this way.

reading my blog post in 2008 is so funny. year 1 in RP. theres always the fun. but kept changing partners. jumping from dating one person to the other. can't believe how many people i dumped for no good reasons. one word: NAIVE. i guess karma's a bitch. But I think, finally and hopefully what we share now will last. cause I can't possibly take the emotional breakdowns anymore. sick and tired of bawling. live life like theres no tomorrow. good ain't it?

studies. studies. UT is on MONDAY! running out of time. Plus there's FYP. Can I pretty please dance my worries away? Let's get high tonight baby. Cause you know I love you. & I definitely know you do to.

xoxo.

miracles

2010-09-03T04:12:00.003+08:00

the day you set foot into my life is the day where everything started to fall into place. you pushed me to limits i never knew existed. you caused me to rethink about my boundaries. you made me realize that there's no such thing as miracles. whatever you want, you've got to earn it. right now, most of the things i'm saying are general things. I wish i can put it into deeper meanings. But i'm certainly hopeless with my words and feelings.

Head and heart is haywire. Am not sure which is which. Not confident. Neither here nor there. Staying means having to swallow every single treatment. Leaving means losing the person that means the most to me. I just want to have a normal relationship where we are comfortable being ourselves and comfortable with letting the other person have fun with their friends. Not being overprotective. I want that. I want that couple back. I wish. But miracles don't exist.

hold on to me

2010-09-02T13:21:00.002+08:00

I know I've neglected my blog this few weeks. Busy with scheduling and also alot of preparations for raya. Not forgetting to spent time with love. Currently, the boy is sleeping away in lala land. While I'm trying to get my head around to studying. Cant seem to capture the mood. God, UT is on Monday. & worst of all its Development Journalism first. I needa paint the balcony today. I foresee myself getting grumpy due to lack of sleep. Ohhh, just don't bother me ok?

only exception

2010-08-19T16:13:00.003+08:00

beautiful day. hope it ends with a beautiful night, sprinkled with beautiful memories of us. I hate to see things become hay-wire. I don't want to be the one picking up the pieces at the end of the day while you sleep peacefully.

poison

2010-08-19T04:28:00.003+08:00

im no longer the cause of the fights. it all starts because of your state of mind about me. assumptions. i hate it. that feeling shouldn't have existed. right now. its no longer my call. i'm tired of emotional rollercoaster. i'm hyperventilating. i feel so defeated. no matter how hard i try to please you, its not enough. telling me how to be a girlfriend is as easy but doing it is hard, especially since i created trouble last time. i guess you're just still blinded by emotions and hurt to see that i've truly change. till then, i'm on hybrid from all this shit.

happenings behind closed doors.

2010-08-19T01:49:00.002+08:00

few days have been draining to me. particularly since its fasting month and i'm up and about with so many activities and going out with friends. not just physically but mentally drain with PP and FYP. found out I have to do re-assessment for PP because my research lacks primary resources. Been spending time with the boy and his two bros at bronto park. its kinda different and also a refreshing thing since its been awhile. I'm glad that things are turning out more than fine between them. However, am not please with certain people whose making assumptions. All that needs to be said to these people is not to give threats unnecessarily and to think before saying things. It kinda seem ungrateful on my point of view to just take sides with someone you just knew and forget the friend that has been there for you through thick and thin. A nice peribahasa would be 'kacang lupakan kulit'. i guess its just better to not meddle with people's problem. The problem with the boy is he cares too much about his friends. But people just don't realise how willingly he would sacrifice. Thats pure courage. Things will turn out fine eventually. It has to.

littlest things.

2010-08-16T23:32:00.002+08:00

it only seems like yesterday since I first held your hands. you made me blush, you teased me, you annoy me. those sweet memories. will be kept inside my head. when was the last time you look at me with expression full of love? ages ago it seems. but nevertheless, i shall fight this battle till it ends. cause at the end, i know we will win this. together.

"There’s always that one little thing that makes me turn around and leads me back to you."

truth hurts much

2010-08-16T03:38:00.002+08:00

i need to let out emotions here. there's no one to listen to a stupid girls rant in the early morning. i need to let things out. i just need to keep talking. who do you turn to when the person, whose trust you crave the most & love, just wont give you trust. wont believe your words. each words spoken out becomes a venom. and each time, it keeps coming out, it kills bit of you. i know this isn't the best. i know situation kills. feelings gets in the way. images keeps coming out of your head. and each time, more negative than the previous. you want to believe, but after all that's happened, you just don't know how. maybe its all just meant to be. i have to live with it. but i can't stand accusations. no more hiding things from you. no more hurting you, i'm really doing my best. but its not enough? then what should i do to make you believe. cause even when i tell you every single thing, you still think i'm lying.

maybe its just meant to be. am i making sense to you?

i'm cracking. really i swear i'm literally cracking.

late night calls

2010-08-13T03:07:00.003+08:00

late night calls always end up two ways, either good or bad. at times, we end up the call sweetly and whisper sweet nothings to each other. At other times, when things don't go so well, i end up being emotionally wreck and angry at every single thing while you try to talk some sense into me. That's one reason why i love you so much. :)

i admit, i haven't been patient enough with you. I haven't been keeping my promises to be cool. I also haven't been a sweet girlfriend. Each time, you point this out, the only thing I can think of is what the hell am i thinking/doing? I don't even know how to be a girlfriend. Its true. Girlfriends are suppose to pamper their boyfriends, treat them nicely and talk sweetly with them. & for that, I am sorry for not being like that with you, for not being romantic and sweet with you.

the things i want & think

2010-07-29T15:51:00.000+08:00

letter from a broken heart

2010-07-28T14:56:00.003+08:00

Dear bbylove,

i never once regretted meeting you. cause i know that i will continuously love you till my last breath. baby. you mean so much to me. how can i prove to you that you're everything that i ever wanted, good or bad. though i admit sometimes, when it was bad, i was impatient. i fought back. but each time you said those things, i feel so insignificant. baby, i want you to shower me with love and tenderness. i want us to be loving to each other. to joke around. i miss you. truly. and even when you're with me, it feels like we're worlds apart. because i'm falling from grace. and you way high up above there. please take me away with you. lets run away together and build a new life where we can be anyone we wanna be just as long as you're with me. i need you badly, to stay with me till the time journey ends for me...

shiver me timbers

2010-07-23T16:08:00.002+08:00

blogskin changed. i'm not sure what to update on. but i can gladly say that,

DEADLINES ARE OVER!!!

all that's left is with assessments. so effing glad for that. now i can concentrate more on UTs, classes and also work. not forgetting to have a life. -.-

am suddenly in the mood to go club. sigh. pretty please..?

wish i can go. seriously. but with mum & dad & bro... *shakes head. i dunno how i'm gonna pass. nehmind. will start the habit when i'm older? ahahha. more freedom. *prays hard. oh gosh. need a makeover soonest. teeheehee. cause i'm in the mood for some funnn. :D

Knight&day

2010-07-05T14:34:00.003+08:00

should watch this movie. a must watch. i think its a really good movie. cause it incorporates action, humour and also love. Me and baby went to catch it on saturday at vivo. watched the 7.20 show. ended around 9.30. after which we headed to Punggol to slack. Went to his house and stayed there till around 2.30am. suppose to work at 7am the next day. originally plan to wake up at 5. but i woke up at 7. -.-''' so i start at 9 to 5. something got me thinking. i miss having a close friend to rely on. someone who understands me and we both can share everything together. occasional sleepovers and you know, just having fun together. i think i need a girlf. haix.

love reaction

2010-07-03T01:26:00.002+08:00

spending more and more time with you just makes me yearn for you more each night when you're apart from me. Baby can't you see that i'm living in denial? I would do anything to not lose you. EVER. The way you hugged me today, just made my world crash. Its as if we were one and i could feel the hurt that is burning deep in you. The way you whispers words of assurance to me just made me wanna kiss your worries away and tell you that everything will be ok. The way you look at me makes me feel like I'm the queen. The way you kiss me just feels so damn right & each time you are near me, my heart beats faster in anticipation. I don't deny that in this relationship, i've been the cause of all the problems that we've faced. I don't deny that I've treated you like shit for the past weeks when you certainly don't deserve it. I don't deny that there are times where I got so frightened that I wanted to leave. But baby, you see. My love for you never fade. My love for you is real. Yes, I know. I'm only 9teen. I may not know much about love. But I think this is it. I know I want you for the rest of my life.

28th

2010-06-30T14:31:00.002+08:00

Sunday, i asked you to leave once more & forever to never contact me. You did something that i never thought you would do. I wouldn't want to put you in harms way. For me, please stay save. But i'm glad that we're back on track. 28 June '10. lets make it work baby.

i've lots of pictures that I've yet to upload. Not having time to do these things cause i've got many deadlines to catch for now. Am frustrated with mummy. pagi2 already scold me. Fine. Im sorry. I won't go home late already okay..? I'll study hard.

baby, im sorry i screamed at you this morning. i was frustrated with mummy and you for pushing me to make all kinds of decision. But im glad you're giving me a chance to set things straight for now.

Kay, now im lost on what to update. thought i had so much to say yesterday. But today... everything is a blur. maybe im just stoning.

2010-06-27T06:10:00.002+08:00

i know each time lately, i've been pushing you away and asking you to leave me. I know saying that i don't want to hurt you anymore is not an excuse. But in a way, i never wanted you to leave. the thought of not having you around is too much to bear. You mean everything to me.

Friday, finally you met my parents. :) I know you love them syg. I'm so happy. That you braced yourself to meet them at my house, even when you are not confident that they would like you. Trust me baby, they love you. :) so do i.

Like I've always said, there's just so many things to update on. But to put them into words is effing hard.

2010-06-21T13:19:00.003+08:00

woots. been a long time since i blog. been wanting to blog. but although theres so much on my mind, im clueless on how to put them into complete sentences. but all i can say is that thank god, i've never been better. yupp. (Y)

Saturday headed to the SCAPE official launch. hell, the place is huge and teeming with alot of youths. so, SCAPE has reached its objective of making the place for youth to hang out and do lots of activities. chey, like promoting but i like.

i was clueless on what we were previously. But i no longer am. cause now i know exactly where i stand. so i am a happy kid now.(Y)

On second note. i am in PANIC mode now. cause alot of deadlines and assignments are still not done. so ARYNN, get to work. =D

peachy.

2010-06-04T13:15:00.002+08:00

couldnt think of any possible thing to do right now except blog. currently high on soul sister. :) having a peachy time with love. no fights. thank god. just happy times. yes, in any case, if one day you get her, take care of her as you've taken care of me, okay? on notes, been going out to get high each night. doesnt matter where it is, as long as there's me, you & booze to keep company.

mummy had a burst yesterday night. feeling sad for her now. cause it seems as if she feels that she's done something wrong which leads to us siblings & stepsibling treating her this way. i'm sorry mummy. i dont wanna hurt you. infact, nowadays, the things i do is just going home late sometimes. & i smoke. i can't think of other ways that i've hurt you. i've been there when you're down, i hugged you and I had laughs with you too, don't i? I wish i can help more. & i know i shall study hard to prove to you.

i think, besides having fun. theres something missing. but i just can't think what. hmm.

augustino

2010-05-21T15:20:00.001+08:00

tell me how can i not fall in love with you? when you just seems to know what to say and what to do to make me feel special each and everyday. yes, i do love you still and i always will

silver lining

2010-05-19T14:46:00.002+08:00

am sick and tired of school. am sick and tired of everyday presenting, doing worksheet, discussing, brainstorming. its eating my soul away. sick and tired of people thinking i'm not good enough in the modules. i mean, come on. i wanna learn. yea sure have to repeat this, but that doesn't mean i suck at it so much. i just don't have the patience of coming to school often. typical of human to judge me when they don't know who am i.

i'm just tired i guess. i need rest badly. haven't got a good rest ever since school starts. yes, not even on the weekends. *sobs. tired. i wanna go home. yesterday already had to rush to Orchard after school before going to work. Had to get details, rush to work, rush rj before work starts and then rush dinner. everything rush.

*ranting. sorry. im tired.

you know i love you

2010-05-18T12:53:00.000+08:00

Taylor Swift - White Horse

Say you're sorry
That face of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to
As I pace back and forth all this time
'Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on,
The days drag on
Stupid girl
I should have known, I should have known

That I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.

Baby I was naíve,
Got lost in your eyes
I never really had a chance,
My mistake, I didn't know,
To be in love you had to fight to get the uppper hand
I had so many dreams about you and me.
Happy endings
Now I know

I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness,
Begging for me
Just like I always wanted,
But I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess
This ain't our fairytale
I'm gonna find someone, someday
Who might actually treat me well.
This is a big world,
That was a small town
There in my rear view mirror,
Disappearing now.
And it's too late for you and your White Horse
Now its too late for you and your White Horse
To catch me now.

Oh whoa whoa whoa-oh
Try and catch me now
Oh
It's too late
To catch me now.

movie dates

2010-05-17T15:36:00.004+08:00

omg. i so want to catch this show. i think it will be two thumbs up. the last airbender. anyone wants to catch it with me..? =P
wanted to watch Iron Man 2 on Saturday. But, the next show was at 9.40 and it is a 2hour show. so its a no-no. otherwise, cannot go home. lols. so him and me, we decide to catch something else * looks below

Robin Hood. a funny and fighting show. damn good. 4/5 rating. =)

i had fun with him during the show. butt cramps and all, manage to still disturb each other. and at the end of the day, didn't feel like going home so much. yesterday worked with the girls; Regina, HoneyHana, Kak Nonoi, eM. was good. hopefully salary would rise soon. needs the money much. cooked dinner yesterday. yay to me. ohh baby, can we watch another movie soonest?? i like movie dates with you. *melts

remembering myself.

2010-05-15T13:40:00.002+08:00

an end to a hectic week at last. now i can rest. so far, there hasn't been much going on except for me scrambling to get my bearings right with work school and life. it feels nice to let loose once in a while. hates being so uptight about things. oh ya, i did have an outburst this week. just couldn't take anything anymore. am sick and tired of feeling like a loser or whimp. wishing to have a bitch fit. HAHAHA. but anyhoos, managed to make friends with fellow DCIDs. & Charlotte is my mentor?! oh geez. have to buck up for her class i guess. and plus, grades are not that good. me thinks. lets see.. 6 Bs, 4 Cs, 3 Ds, 1 F & 2 Xs. lols. but its a huge improvement dont ya think? comparing to not coming always last semester? haha.

the only thing thats keeping me sane and holding me together currently is that someone. Thank you for being a significant part of my life. someday, I'll thank you properly enough. till now, this is the best i can do.

2010-05-11T00:32:00.002+08:00

tired & sleepy. but can't seem to sleep right now. oh yea, PP approved! i loike. means i can get started with the contents page and by the end of this week, will show it to advisor for approval and all. today was abit mundane. beginning of the day went to it helpdesk to change lappy to windows 7 and currently, its working much better. *thumbs up. and then after that, rushed with PP scope & also ppt. oh, which reminds me that i have resources to read for tomorrows lesson. shall not be sleeping too late then. slacked at Punggol with b till 9 as usual. an ordinary day of arynn. missing much on granny. plans to visit her soon. wednesday perhaps? plus, working on thurs and sun.

oh, created an account on formspring. feel free to bombard me with random questions.

boy, you're stuck in my head all day long.

love

2010-05-08T13:53:00.002+08:00

nothings changed. except me. i guess that's true. i've let my guards down since then. i'm sorry i'm a failure. alots on my mind lately. and somehow, i'm not sure whether i'm living in reality or dream. but all i know is that I would never trade you for anything else.

beautiful imperfections

2010-05-07T15:42:00.002+08:00

so many things that i need and want to do to my laptop right now. its working so much slower lately and the programs tend to lack. omfg. i need to upgrade it to windows 7 soon!!! but im always so silly to go early to school to upgrade. lazy pig i am. and i am still currently not done with pp scope. and yesterday, skipped school cause i wasn't feeling too good.

it got me thinking of you. yepp. again & again. thinking of the littlest things we share or the things that i missed about you. haix. dreamy dreamy. yes, i dont want things to change between us. i still want us to be like this. i want it to all be the same. but im just not sure if im strong enough to see you with someone else. thats all. i dont doubt you. not anymore. because, whatever happens, its always for the best. and every cloud has a silver lining.

if i'm a flower, would you be the sun to shine on me so that i could bloom?

Angkasa

2010-05-04T14:01:00.002+08:00

Angkasa - Hady Mirza

cukuplah sudah kata-kata janji manismu

siapa saja terpedaya dengan bibirmu

berkali kau menangis merayu padaku

lalu menghilang sebaik saja

lalu airmata jatuh akhirnya

dengan tak sengaja kau

membuat ku terumbang ambing di angkasa

hancur musnah semua

mimpi ku hilang di angkasa

pernahkah hilang tulus cinta hanya boneka

cuba kau pandang ku dimata

serius dipinta

berkali kau menangis merayu padaku

lalu menghilang sebaik saja

lalu airmata jatuh akhirnya

dengan tak sengaja engkau

membuatku terumbang ambing di angkasa

hancur musnah semua

mimpiku hilang diangkasa

tak sanggup lagi aku menahan duka

tanpa mu aku hilang arah kemana

lalu airmata jatuh akhirnya

dengan tak sengaja engkau

buatku terumbang ambing di angkasa

hancur musnah semua

mimpi ku hilang diangkasa...

2010-05-02T14:22:00.002+08:00

trying to have a life once again. & after all this while spending time building up my defense, it took you only awhile to break it down. and now i have to build it up once again.

today i miss you a lot. Although we spent the whole day together yesterday, I feel distant from you. Maybe although i know we'd never change, deep down, i also know we couldn't carry on forever? reality check. Someday, things will eventually end. and we'll fall apart. (Which i don't want that to happen) all I can think of now is you. Trying to show a strong front. But deep down, if only you knew how much it hurts. As you're asleep right now, all i could think was how empty i feel without you here.

140110

2010-04-30T21:04:00.003+08:00

i know that we're no longer together. and i know that you keep telling me that nothing will ever change between us. Yes, definitely things would be easier now. You can do whatever you want, and so can I. But right now, all that I need is for you to love me like you use to. One day, the feelings would go. The hardest part about being in love is falling out of it. I don't know how or when will all this happen. Please don't hurt me. I'm just not strong enough right now. But I also know that one day, I'd be strong enough to set you free. And maybe, by then, we'll be fond of each other, just as friends.

you're like a glue because without you, all thats left of me is broken pieces. - Miley

2010-04-21T11:24:00.001+08:00

life.

updates

2010-04-21T11:11:00.002+08:00

schools started. oh, did i tell you i've gotten my class? and currently, am having to repeat one yr2 module. classes seems to be okay. am not planning to skip any of them. not yet at least. =) ohh, and yesterday boy was so sweet. i mean, to other people it seems that its a normal kinda thing. but to me it isn't. we went to macdonald yesterday for dinner. lols. i mean, its not always we get to do this kind of things. and nowadays, whenever something goes bad, i'll remember about the wrongs that i do and about what was said in our earlier times and i know that somethings are meant to be and that our relationship is something special. its like heaven & hell at the same time.

And each moment when i feel at my lowest, i'll remember those times where we were the sweetest couple. its not a bed of roses. and i know that for sure. but what makes us stronger is when we are able to go through all the obstacles together. and i'll make sure that i will be the best.

2010-04-15T12:16:00.003+08:00

Dearest baby,

how do i put it in words. This feeling that i have for you is so profound that all the words are not enough to describe this feeling. For the months we've been together, i've seen the greatest person that you can be. my confidence, my solitude, my bestfriend & my one-and-only boyfriend. although its just 3mths together, it feels like a lifetime to me. Happy 3rd mth babyboy. you mean the world to me and no one can compare.

With love.

2010-04-15T12:14:00.000+08:00

2010-04-04T18:44:00.000+08:00

empty.

lonely friday

2010-03-26T23:32:00.001+08:00

the day passed so slowly today. even now, i feel that its so slow that its only 11.40pm. it should be 2plus in the morning or something. guess its cause i ended work early today and being a good girl i went straight home cause baby not meeting me. he went work and then now he's at some beach drinking with his brother and aunt. shall not say much. im bored. wishing he could rescue me now.

.

2010-03-26T02:43:00.003+08:00

considering the fact that i didnt attend school for half the semester & getting 1.95 gpa is alright, don't you think? however, don't deny that i need to buck up and start coming school regularly. anw, am anxious for the boy's result. i mean, we both skipped quite abit. so yar. but i think his would be better than mine. =)

on another note, i guess, things can be pretty fucked up when it comes to me. theres so many things that i've neglected. like myself, my family, my friends. i sucked at juggling time. some people said i've changed. i guess, sometimes, it isnt your business. hmm. should be going fine soon. once i start school. what is it with people anw? when theres school, people wants holidays and then when holidays come, they'e wishing school starts soon. well, humans are never satisfied with what they have right?

its seems april is approaching real fast. im not ready for anything. its like, i want to be stop in the track of time.

so that maybe,

just maybe,

i could have more time with you.

i know. i care. im sorry.

2010-03-23T01:33:00.003+08:00

baby, i don't know what made you think that i'd wanna ever cheat on you.
yes, i know i had ever talked to other guys, who are my friends.
but never has it crossed my mind to be the one to leave.
i can't imagine myself walking away from you, from my only one.
please, dont ever think of me giving up on you or us.

=)

2010-03-22T01:12:00.002+08:00

am bored so i decided to blog, eventhough i know that there's nothing much to blog about today. ohh but yesterday was a fucking tiring day for me, i swear to you. I mean seriously, i only slept for 2hrs & half. woken up by baby's call and then at 6, i rushed to prepare for work. was late for half hour and dozed off while i was peeling prawns at lunch. howww sweeet. -.-

after work, met with the boy at bugis and we went to sunshine plaza. supposedly, we were to wait for the rest to end work and head off to pasir ris to chill, but they ended late. so me, the boy & his annoying brother went for a walk and dinner around bugis. although it wasn't much of a plan, i enjoyed myself. and after drinking redbull, i was energetic for a while. haha.

when we head back to sunshine plaza, found out they were still not done yet. And by the time, i was already too tired to bother waiting. so we three headed to punggol to chill awhile and then i went home. the end.

hahha. today wasnt any better. swear im dying.of.boredom. luckily baby's movies saved me. watched alice in wonderland. i soooo totally love mad hatter. =)

lies & lies

2010-03-20T00:47:00.002+08:00

lemme tell you a story about a particular girl. She's an ordinary girl, who is not exactly clever academic wise nor is she that drop-dead gorgeous babe you see in town. Basically, shes an ordinary average girl. But whats fucked up about her is that she lies. alot. so, like any other normal teenager, she falls in love with this mr charming. Never once in her lifetime has she been so lucky or blessed to meet sucha person like him. & worse, hes everything that you can ever ask for in a guy. oh, and did i tell you that he hates liars?

So, can you guess the story? the stupiest thing she did was to lie, yes. But not once, not twice. But fucking five time in a row!? How dumb can you be girl?! so, the next time she lies, he'll be gone for good.

oh, you wanna who that girl is?

go figure.

legally nineteen

2010-03-19T01:12:00.002+08:00

so, my wish to celebrate my birthday with bby came true...! yepp.met bby at his house around 5. waited for him to bath and get ready. already it was 6.15. initial plan was to meet up with the rest at 630 at cityhall. so we were already thinking that we'd reach late. but it was alright since we were the birthday babies. but when we reached, no one was around yet. so we sat & smoked. and then the argument started. and it definitely got alot worser.

i was crushed but i knew i only had myself to blame for being so shallow & narrow-minded as i was. we didn't talked much afterwards. ended up meeting the rest at bugis. while they ate, we talked. adn then he ate while i watched. didnt have the appetite then. so we went to sheesha. otw there, he gave me another glimmer of hope. and then, we started to relax and enjoyed the moment.

i'm sorry i screwed your birthday bby. im sure we had more fun on my birthday. haha. i knew i enjoyed each and every moment of that night. so, ended up all of us ton at eunos. drinking sessions with bby, lucas & chai. sang chinese song. toasting to everything good. it feels great.

i thought i was gonna have it from my parents for not coming home. but when i reached home, mum opens the door for me and then told me to go sleep. =X woke up at 3pm. mummy knocks on my bedroom door, kisses me on my forehead and wishes me happy birthday. & when abang came home to scold me, she told him straight in his face that she allowed me to ton. WOW. haha.

a lesson learnt; never take things too lightly & dont make empty promises.

happy endings.

2010-03-08T01:30:00.002+08:00

my head is cluttered. too many questions left unanswered.

if i have superpower, other than teleportation, i wish i can read peoples mind.

so that i can read whats on yours.

everything is a mess now. and i wish i can just make it all disappear.

all the 'what ifs' coming to play in my head.

just so you know;

aku sayang kamu selamanya.

Beginnings are usually scary & endings are usually sad
but its everything in between that makes it worthwhile.

sheesha

2010-03-06T03:55:00.002+08:00

and like finally. i shall have a proper updates on things.

there hasn't been much except that today, bbp decides to meet up.

well, not full strength but still including myself there are 9.

went for a sheesha session and then had late dinner at bugis.

was just a short meetup. but its been awhile since i late saw the guys.

recently, my timetable everyday is going to punggol to meet the boy.

and yeah, always went home like nearly 11.

only on certain days where i decide to be a good girl would i go home early.

and that is not without the annoyance of the boy.

now really punggol is my second home.

the only happening thing we did was what..? play cards and sing?

hahhaa.

but without a doubt, each day i went home with a smile on my face.

cause getting to spent the day with you is priceless.

=(

2010-03-02T01:37:00.003+08:00

so tell me why do i feel so different lately. Cause even when you're with me, i still miss you oh-so-badly. make this heart heal love. cause i want to feel special again.

updates on a boring sunday.

2010-02-21T15:00:00.002+08:00

i've been thinking. how do i make it go better...? am thinking of some things currently. but not too sure. hmmmmmm.bored on a sunday afternoon. apparently, someone has decided that sleeping is more important than work. cant blame him i guess, had a long night yesterday whats with all those visitors & stuff. anddd....i need to do something bout myself. soon. no. NOW! lols.

how can i not love you.

2010-02-21T00:27:00.001+08:00

been reading through all those memories of you & me. things have definitely change. & i owe it to myself that things have been going down. nevertheless, i also know that i have only moments to make it right again. i dont want things to go sour. missing much on that old us. the sweet & lovely couple. i realized as i was going back through those memory lanes that you were never the one who gave up. I could never ask for anything more from you cause everything has been perfect. the times where you cared for me when i was sick or nearly sick. the times when i was at my worst, you showed me most concern. the things you do for me. thinking through it all, i miss those moments so much. i know we both deserve each other at our best. I've gotten my share, and so now is your turn. i suck at promises. so i shan't say much. Things will definitely better. something that you once told me...

till de end of time i'll always be loving u...
i noe ur favourite qn is wat will i do if u disappear one day
my repli wud be... until de end of time i'm roamin fer u...
if u feel de same den show mi ur love
i'll give u everythin that money cant buy
n i promise i'll rite by ur side

no doubt

2010-02-18T03:00:00.005+08:00

baby, im exhausted from all this fighting. i know it has always been me and me alone giving problems to us. i just dont think. all i know is that i love you. and i dont want things to go bad. cause i cant imagine myself without you now. i dont want you talking to me less. or not bothering with whatever i do. thats not how i want things to happen. i may not be the person who can always make you happy and i know that. but i know that i would make it better.

2010-02-17T18:48:00.001+08:00

when i miss you, i just close my eyes and images of us will appear. im tryna be strong and think of the positive. i love you. and thats all that matters.

1st mthsary

2010-02-14T02:07:00.002+08:00

Happy 1st mthsary baby.

theres nothing in this world that can be compared to you right now.

everything just feels so right.

i wish you're here now when i need you the most.

love much?

2010-02-10T12:53:00.004+08:00

its been many times since you said that one day, things will have to end. i should be getting used to it. but then, each time, the pain is just getting worst.you know, there are times where i wish this world has no rules. everyone can be with anyone they like. no religious, nothing. i know thats wrong. but i hate these restrictions. i hate the fact that one day, we have to leave. i dont want to. i wanna stay. with you. forever. i know i sound childish. but there are some things that i just wish wont happen. you know. my feelings would never ever change. i'll still love you till the end. this is different. really. cause what we have now is ours only. no one will understand how we both feel about each other. cause they dont experience it the way we do. reputations? to hell with it. if you love me like you do now, you woldnt think twice, would you baby? cause thats the reason why you still with me now. its not cause you are weak or you're dumb. its only cause you care for me. =) & the fact that you love me makes me love you even more. i know i did stupid things. i know i did wrongs to you. & it hurts me to see or hear the disappointment in your voice that night. as much as i love you, i still cant appreciate you enough can i? haix. i wana make things right. i do b. cause you're the best thing thats ever happened to me.

me love marcus

2010-02-03T23:48:00.002+08:00

ever felt as if your lungs are gonna burst each time that special one kisses you? the way he smells just right to you. The way his eyes shines when he gets excited about something. the way he laughs at his own clumsiness. the way he blushes when he makes a silly move. the way his heartbeat matches yours. the way he hugs you when you're mad or upset with something. the sweet words that he whispers into your ears.

boy, you've gotten me head over heels in love with you. each and every little thing that you do means so much to me. thank you for being my bestest boyfriend, love. i love you.

tong hua

2010-01-31T02:25:00.001+08:00

Wang le you duo jiu

Zai mei ting dao ni

Dui wo shuo ni zui ai de gu shi

Wo xiang le hen jiu

Wo kai shi huang le

Shi bu shi wo you zuo cuo le shen me

Ni ku zhe dui wo shuo

Tong hua li dou shi pian ren de

Wo bu ke neng shi ni de wang zi

Ye xu ni bu hui dong

Cong ni shuo ai wo yi hou

Wo de tian kong xing xing dou liang le

Wo yuan bian cheng tong hua li

Ni ai de na ge tian shi

Zhang kai shuang shou

Bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni

Ni yao xiang xin

Xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li

Xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju

Repeat # and *

Wo yao bian cheng tong hua li

Ni ai de na ge tian shi

Zhang kai shuang shou

Bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni

Ni yao xiang xin

Xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li

Xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju

Wo hui bian cheng tong hua li

Ni ai de na ge tian shi

Zhang kai shuang shou

Bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni

Ni yao xiang xin

Xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li

Xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju

Yi qi xie wo men de jie ju

forbidden love.

2010-01-31T02:11:00.003+08:00

its now 2.11a.m & all that i'm thinking bout is you.

yea, its weird right? spend time with you today was awesome and i'm loving it.

& i just realise that each time we're together, you'd be the one doing most of the talking.

be it about random things like being rich or even what we'd be like when we are older.

i just can't imagine not having you around. its true that i've become dependant on you too much.

but how can i help it when you're irresistable..? ^^.

& for the first time, i only ate half of the fried rice and its the only thing i ate the whole day.

aren't you proud of me..? hahaha. i know i'm blogging crap right now.

but its only cause i've got so many things to talk about. but you're already sound asleep right now.

make sure you go for work today else your dream would really come true.

i'm lethargic now. & bored. & lonely.

i just want you to know that right now, 2.14am, 31 january 2010
im missing you very very much & that i will always hope & pray that we'd last till the end.
even when we're no longer together, we'll still have this forbidden love.

one & only.

2010-01-30T13:41:00.002+08:00

so much things have been happening lately. no times for much updates though. but a particular incident that touched my heart was on wednesday. sudden plan to drink during school time. second break to be precise cause usually we'd all be at the coffeeshop. one of the fella's birthday. baby and i drank. he drank more of course. there's this part where someone wanted to purposely make her ex drunk, i think. so she poured in quarter beer & the rest all pure liquor. baby drank it for his friend. He got high. oh-no. while walking back to school, he was already abit giddy. reached school and he vomited in the toilet. wanted to vomit in the class but we brought him to the toilet again. he locks the door & i had to make him open them. sent him home. while on the way in the bus, he cried. seriously. reached sengkang & finally found out, he wasn't even drunk but just playing tricks. cried cause he was touched that i took care of him. but to me, it was nothing. as in, i didn't really do much.

there's alot of mistakes that i've made recently too. for the fact that im too stubborn & too self-centred to think of others around me. yes, i admit, usually i would do something only when i know that person is mad at me, hoping that things would go better. i'll try my best though to not do that anymore. am so sorry love for hurting you much.

sleep

2010-01-26T16:02:00.001+08:00

damn. can i sleep now..?

p.s ; am high on love baby. =)

stuck with each other

2010-01-24T23:32:00.002+08:00

so much for fetching you at work ehh bb..? end up i go punggol. hahaha. while i was still getting ready to "fetch" you, you were fast asleep on your bed. wtf...!? hahaha. nehmind. end up, we still had fun talking & laughing about my bimbotic moments. yea..i hope that didn't just drive you away from me. nothing will kan..? i love you. no matter how many times i have to say this, i don't mind. cause i know i can say it more than that. so, other than slacking at punggol, we did practically nothing today. =) what an achievement. we should do some activities together. swimming..?? i'm looking forward to that.

best thing about you is that you are my one and only boyfriend.
that i will forever remember & cherish.
♥♥♥

made for each other.

2010-01-24T00:58:00.004+08:00

B...seriously i love u like fucking much. Even when i'm reading your blog, i fold straw hearts for u...when u beside me only i still can miss u...u know how much i miss u..?! so much that sometime i call other gals by your name...so much that i forget how to receive only know how to give...so much that if i could i would record all the things u say and do..so much that i wanna name the places we share our memories m&m paradise..still u think i wanna leave u..?! if i wanted to i could have that day. do you know as i said those things my heart hurts like blade slashing it..?tears almost roll down my face but i control...haix...every single gal that i've dated is 1 of a kind...but out of all the 1 on a kinds, you're the one of all kinds...the one that i love so damn much..do you know now how much i love u..? haix..seriously i even spend time type this long message to you just so you wont listen to malay songs in the train and let your mind wander of to the worst scenario... love you i do. believe it or not its true...too good to be true..?! believe it cause i'm yours and yours only...forever my love...selama-lamanya. - marcus.

thank you baby, for always being my happy-pill. i love you to bits & pieces. i guess, the only time i'd stop loving you is when i am no longer alive. cause i depend on you too much. i know you hate me for doubting you each time. i'm sorry for making you upset b. i never wanna leave you. you've seen me at my worst part of life. you've been there to always catch me when i'm falling apart. you put me back to one piece. you made me believe in myself to love again. the things you do for me; i can never repay them. all i have in me is my love to you. i wish i could built a castle made of the sweetest things in this world, for us to live together till the end. my love for you is so great that sometimes, i feel so strong that i can conquer the whole world with you. its just too deep in me. you made me fall head over heels in love with you.

where everything starts.

2010-01-22T11:41:00.003+08:00

okay. so im about to update on things that have happened yesterday. imagine having 4 bodyguards to send you to work. Hahah..feeling2 princess can..? hahaa. anyways, yea, boyfriend and yan,haikal plus suraj send me for work. oh-happy-day. plus, get to eat mac and cheese at work, eat ice-cream and also. ended up getting bitten by abg amin. wtf. work wasnt so bad. had the kaki-gerek at work.

theres alot of things that's running in my mind currently. There's so many things that i wanna do with you. At times, i just want to lie on your lap & share the moment talking, laughing, making a fool out of each other. I just want to be with you, at every single minutes of your life. I swear i can't live without you.

punggol & baby

2010-01-21T14:59:00.001+08:00

am sick. i think. no mood for anything currently. bb, send me to work please.....! hehe. am slacking at punggol nowadays. cause he cant go home late. so me, being the good gf. *ehem ehem. goes to punggol just so i could spend more time together with him. love love. not much to update.

dik.

2010-01-20T11:15:00.002+08:00

dik, aku pinta..

kau akan selalu setia

dik, aku mohon..

kau selalu menemani

saatku tengah terluka

kala ku tengah gundah

ku akan menjagamu dibangun dan tidurmu

disemua mimpi dan nyatamu

ku akan menjagamu tuk hidup dan matiku

tak ingin, tak ingin kau rapuh

dik jangan engkau

pergi tinggalkan aku

ohhh, dik ingin aku

cinta dan cinta selalu

saat kau tengah terluka

kala kau tengah gundah

ku akan menjagamu dibangun dan tidurmu

disemua mimpi dan nyatamu

ku akan menjagamu tuk hidup dan matiku

tak ingin, tak ingin kau rapuh

kau akan menjagaku dibangun dan tidurku

disemua mimpi dan nyataku

kau akan menjagaku tuk hidup dan matiku

tak ingin, tak ingin kau rapuh

ku akan menjagamu dibangun dan tidurmu

disemua mimpi dan nyatamu

ku akan menjagamu tuk hidup dan matiku

tak ingin, tak ingin kau rapuh

my ecstacy

2010-01-19T23:43:00.002+08:00

I know that i'll never forget 17 January 2010. The day that I fetched you from work. The day that I told the truth. The day that my heart stops beating. The day that i became numb. The day that my world crashes. The day that you took everything back. The day that you nearly left me. The day where the time stops. The day my life changed.

Yeapp. i was so near to losing you. I was so near to ruining everything that we've built together. Its true. It was my mistake. Its hard for me to accept the fact that I could have prevented all that. But, it was a valuable lesson learned.

You said to me, yesterday. First, I'm sorry. Second, things would never be the same again. Third, It would be better. =) I may never be good at expressing my feelings or even myself to you. My words may not be structured correctly. You might misinterpret whatever I've to say. But, to put it plainly, I love you boy. & as each days passes by, i pray that our love would be stronger. Lets run away from here love. =) i know you want to.

take me away with you. Anywhere. Even if we have to suffer, i'd rather suffer than leave you alone. I dont care bout anything else right now. Cause all i have that's valuable is YOU.

my boyfriend.

2010-01-18T11:27:00.002+08:00

i still love you baby. i still need you in my life. im sorry bout everything that i've lied abt. im afraid of getting hurt. i want us to still be the same as before. i love you. please don't go....

=((

2010-01-17T23:59:00.002+08:00

cant say much right now. cause my mind is blank. im sorry for lying. im sorry i hurt you. im sorry for making you hate me, if you do. please don't walk out on me. cause it really hurts alot.

the things you said really hurts me so much that it felt as if i'm suffocating. i don't know if things are gonna change from now on. I hope it doesn't. even as i'm typing this, alot of things are running inside my mind. i don't want him to be the cause of you leaving. i never want you to go. right now, i don't even dare to ask anything. yea, its true, you're gonna make me guilty with everything. i know i deserve it. don't hurt me, please. even as we're talking right now, already i can sense the difference.

M&M love.

2010-01-17T00:08:00.002+08:00

seriously honey, you made me get high on cloud nine today. thanks for making time to meet me after work though i know you were fucking tired. yes, everyone was today, including yours truly. thank god i need not wake up early tomorrow. =) alot of unexpected events happen today. from hurtful words you said to the confessions that i made. i hope i cleared some of your doubts on me, and yes, truly you cleared yours when you said something. i know for sure, that even when we fight, i wont be the first to leave you behind. cause i sayang you alot alot.

i know sometimes, somethings i say doesn't make sense to you. But its only cause my mind is as shrouded. I just want you to know that each & every step that you take, i will be there to support you & catch you when you fall. thats how much you mean to me.

timecheck.

2010-01-14T23:50:00.002+08:00

seeing an ex was like seeing ghost in the school. thought you were already long gone. but i guess you do have this habit of coming & going from my life. shit you..! should have known never to trust you in the first place. what a suay day. thank god bby was around. funny how moods can just change in a second. guess i'm always that way. i think i'm lonely now. in need of my girlfriends. its been a while. thank god i saw eefah just now. miss miss you. thanks for spending time with me and hearing me rant. & bby, you're dearly missed right now.

cause i'll be your sweetest sin & you'll be my ecstacy. No one knows what its like to be us. No one can ever understand & truly appreciate the feelings in me. Cause when i say i love you, i really do & forever will.

a mistake.

2010-01-14T23:39:00.003+08:00

i have to keep reminding myself that each time you're doing something & saying something in your blog, its only cause i'm already invisible in your life. shit. i hate it when i have to read those post. maybe i should just stop here and not caring about anything. but i can't. thats even harder. cause i know i made a huge mistake. hopefully she can take care of you much better. i wish i was the one who was always there to comfort you cause that's the least i could do after making such a big mistake to you. sadly, i'm not needed.

you belong with me.

2010-01-12T23:45:00.002+08:00

i never said it was gonna be easy with you. yes, i chose you to be with me. & so did you. i know there isn't any definite answer as to how long we'd last. but i wish we could. yes, at times i admit i kept thinking about alot of negative things. i admit im afraid of losing you. but i guess, that would only drive me to be someone better for you.

they say that we wouldn't make it cause we are against the odds.
But i believe that one day, people would start to change their perception of us.
Cause right now, all that matters is you belong with me.

with love, arynn

2010-01-12T00:09:00.002+08:00

been reading my past blog posts and i realised that im a very temperamental person. not realising that my actions & words hurts others. and now, its come down to me having to be the one to take care of my loved ones. read a girl's blog. and i realise that she's unhappy. i mean really really unhappy. and suddenly, it felt as if the worlds burden is now on my shoulder. that i have to do something to help her. i miss being a carefree person. laughing & giggling like a fool. when will i ever get that chance again, to not care about any other thing except myself. who knows. maybe i'm just ranting. but i'm restless. i'm sad. for no apparent reason. yea, baby would say "wtf...?!" but thats me. moodswings and all.

i just know i don't wanna let you go, for my love for you is blind.
& till then, with every breathe in me, i'll always pray for the best for us both.

text text.

2010-01-10T01:35:00.002+08:00

sorry hana, bocui!!! tak sengaje. but you know i have your best interest at heart. oh well...work was alrighty today. and something made me think today. no, i know i think almost everyday. but somehow, i can't stop thinking about the fact, what if i was in your shoes. am missing alot of random people today. such as my colleagues, my bff, 7loves & epul. hahah. can't wait to go on outings with you people soon. sorry for being busy now. karaoke anyone...?

kehadiranmu.

2010-01-09T00:24:00.002+08:00

i'm sorry for letting you go. i'm sorry for being a bitch. i'm sorry for hurting you this way. i'm sorry for everything thats happening now. it was all my mistake. i'm not going to say i regretted them. but i know that i've hurt you most. & i know that right now, only i can mend the situation. i need you to understand. i need you as a friend once again. i know things would never be the same anymore. but i would never stop hoping that one day, things will get better for us. 7loves went through a rough situation today. i know this is probably hard for most of us. i know living in denial is the easiest. but for how long..? sooner or later, you'd just have to accept it. i hope that no matter what, 7loves will stay as it is. in my eyes, its not over yet.

period.

2010-01-07T19:17:00.002+08:00

episodes of drama been happening in my life. yes. right at school. fucked up..? not really. they were honest enough with me. i know sometimes i tend to get things wrongly. but its only cause i think negatively too much, as someone said to me. but wthell la. i guess i should take things with a pinch of salt then. that would be better? No?? haha. i'd just say the time is coming soon for me to take things into my own hands. a day, two? no, a week? a month? nah. thats too long. im hurt too in the process. why drag it longer right..? i just know that one things for sure, its gonna get tough. but, as abg fairzul said, if its not meant to be, its not meant to be.

2010-01-06T15:06:00.001+08:00

crushed.

i care & im honest

2010-01-06T11:32:00.002+08:00

bored or what. schools started. and currently, things are so called going as smoothly as it should be. yet, am i happy..? only god knows. i guess what i can do right now is just to hold on till everythings over. you know i love you. yes both of you. haha. fucked up. but do i care..? i think not.

lala loved.

2010-01-04T00:25:00.003+08:00

happy 19th birthday, love.
hope you have a wonderful year ahead.
you know i sayang you right?

choices

2010-01-03T02:00:00.002+08:00

life's hard when it comes to making decisions. all i know right now, is that im in love with the both of them. and what chances i have, i've gotta grab it. but let me tell you this. im not forcing you both to stay. if there is someone else thats better than me, rest assure i'll willingly let you go to the other girl. really. but all i know right now, is that im glad to have found the both of you. cause you both make me feel complete. yes. this post is fucked up. and coming from me, it sounds really bad. but do i have a choice? currently, no. i'll just leave it to Him to decide for me when the time comes.

2010

2010-01-02T02:49:00.003+08:00

happy new year peepoz. hopefully things will be better round this year. all i know is that these few days have been fun. went to syikin's bdae chalet. surprised her & trust me, there were alot of fucking dramas happening at the chalet. hahaa. oh well, it was worthwhile wasn't it..? And then yesterday after work was party party party. hahaa. eeeyup. didnt go siloso like everyso other normal tom, dick, harry. its too crowded kan..? so was headed to some open club thingy. last minute plan cockup. hahaha. ended up going to durty nelly's pub instead. haha. i know.

wtf..? pub??! yea. -.-''

but it was super cool i tell you. most enjoyable moment of my life happening at the last minute of 2009.. hahaha. anw, after 3 jugs, tonned with bby and the rest at memorial park. puked. -.-'''

i was so wasted i tell you.

but whatever. i know i had fun. so fuck it.

2010..? bring it on..!

christmas dinner

2009-12-29T04:27:00.003+08:00

whenever i have a problem, i know that no matter whatever circumstances it is, my babygirls will never ever fail me. they'll be there for me even at the worst hours. and i love you girls for that. thanks for being there for me through my ups and downs of life. ily. & i need you girls now more than ever to help me.

bleurghhh

2009-12-28T03:08:00.002+08:00

ily babe.

i know i said i would only update when i wanted to. so yar. today was an impromtu meetups with 7loves. not all were there. there were only azmi, nadhir, umar, fir, ajul, eefah & me. so headed to bugis for some shopping trip and then sheesha-ed. hahaha. fun2. too bad there wasnt any camera else i knw we'd have camwhored. anw, i know sometimes, somethings are meant to be. but yea. guess all i can say is when the time comes, im sorry for doing what i did.

ON HIATUS.

2009-12-27T15:55:00.002+08:00

im bored of blogger now. so can i pretty please change it...? hahaha. on a side note, lifes been somewhat of a drifting. neither here nor there, if you get what i mean. oh well, sure. i do have my fair bits of happiness, but i think theres more to life than what we perceive kan..? oh yeah, in the meantime, i think blogger will be on hiatus. till then lovely ones. shall update when i think its neeeded.

dilemma

2009-12-23T23:49:00.002+08:00

life is hard, i won't deny that. & god created each and everyone of us for a reason. you filled that gap in my heart. & im not willing to let go. but if i have to, then all i can say is that thank you for all those sweet memories together that we've built. honestly, i loved you from the very start. in fact, if i had a choice, i would hang on to you with every ounce of my strength. but right now, im just willing myself to go with flow and see where it takes me to.

no matter what i do
all i think about is you.
even when im with my boo
you know i m crazy over you.

candies.

2009-12-23T00:49:00.003+08:00

spent time with bby today. originally was suppose to go school in the morning for research methods meeting. end up i woke up at 1plus. was damn fucked up. anw, got bby's msg to meet earlier. so i did. meet up at woodlands and headed to 805 with nadhir. then chillax and all. after which at 5.30, met marcus. and then wanted to eat but somehow, ended up talking more. so yeah. i still dont know. haahha. oh shucks. all i know is that today was really awesome thanks to the people around me. had much laughter.

nad: pass. ( puts down a card )

arynn: ckp pass tapi latak. ( seriously i said latak )

kel,azmi,afeeq,nad laughed.

shucks.

hahaha. wicked...! ohh i cant tell you how much fun i had these two days. hopefully things will go as smoothly as planned on thursday. till then, much love from me.

And I'm all alone
Don't let me die
I'm losing my mind
Baby just give me a sign
And now that you're gone
I just wanna be with you